Posted by Anna L. Pleasure
Anthony Kingdom James is not his real name, but it’s the name he goes by. And he’s many things. A pop culture podcaster http://handsomegeniusclub.blogspot.com, a talk radio host, a stand-up comedian, a voiceover artist, comic book writer and a pro wrestler. But we don’t give a shit about any of that at the Meat Inspectors. No, what we care about is that Anthony plays music for girls to shake their snatch to at the Brass Rail in Toronto, which you can visit at http://www.brassrailtavern.com
How long have you been doing this?
Since December 2000.
Is this what you wanted to do for a living?
No, and it still isn’t. But it pays the bills and naked women strolling around while I read comic books and play music doesn’t hurt my feelings.
How did you get started spinning tunes for girls to grind to?
I moved back to Ontario from Pittsburgh, needed a day job while I looked for radio work and a friend of was working at a club and knew they needed someone.
Where else have you worked other the Brass Rail?
A place that doesn’t deserve the exposure of my mentioning it here.
Take us through your average work night.
I start at 730pm. Set up some opening music. The main floor opens at noon but we open the executive lounge at 8pm. I make sure my schedule girls have shown up and then organize freelancers for the remaining stage shows. Then I hang out with the rest of the staff until customers start coming in. At that point I start stage shows (usually around 930, neve later than 10pm but sometimes as early 820 or 830 if enough guys show up).And then it’s all Groundhog Day to me. I’m in the booth, doing back to back stage shows until 2am. I do the occasional check of the girls’ change room to make sure bitches ain’t up to no good and after 2, I play a half hour of break songs and then we kick the punters out into the gutter.
What percentage of the music do you pick in a night and what percentage do the girls pick?
Not sure but I wish the scales would tip more in my favour. I let the girls pick whatever they want, so long as it fits into the club’s guidelines (as interpreted by me… No rap, no severe metal, no weirdness,must be 3 minutes long) and another girl isn’t already playing it.
What are your favorite songs to play?
I like to play some odd stuff just because the standard R&B and Euro-house crap drives me to need something different. Stuff like “CNR” by Wierd Al Yankovic and “Lotion” by the Greenskeepers make me laugh. “Striptease” by Hawksley Workman is a solid rocker of a tune. Colin Munroe’s remake/cover of “Flashing Lights” is incredible. “Border Lord” by Kris Kristofferson or “The Most Unoriginal Sin” by Willie Nelson or “Get Out (Leave)” by JoJo are my favorite ways to close a night. And there are a couple of mash-up mixes I like. Do some internet searching to find “Jaydiohead” or”Beastles” and download some goodness.
What songs have you been playing a lot of lately? What are the strippers requesting?
I get a lot of stuff I hate requested. I despise popular R&B but girls love dancing to Gaga and Rihanna and Ciara and Drake (whose music COMPLETELY sucks) and Aaliyah and Mario and Trey Songz and shit like that.And of course, your standard AC/DC, Nickelback, etc on the rock side.Plus so much Tiesto you’d vomit.
Do the girls tip you out?
Tipping is not mandatory at my club and I am forbidden from actually asking for tips… but yes, GOOD GIRLS TIP THEIR DJ.
What artist has recorded the most stripper friendly songs?
Aaliyah. I play a lot of Aaliyah.
What is the difference between the two levels of your club?
A flight of stairs, a $20 cover and more private booths. Plus, the music is more restricted. NO DRAKE!!!
What was the weirdest night you ever had at the club?
The night Mike Tyson came in was odd (we get a LOT of celebrities at my club) but the weirdest was the night of the shooting out front. Twopatron got ejected, came back with a gun, shot at the front of the club and killed an innocent passer-by. Both thugs are in prison now. Fuck’em.Hope they rot in hell.
Who is the biggest celebrity that has been in the club while you were working?
I won’t go into the whole list. I already mentioned Tyson. And of course, we’re the club where A-Rod got caught catting around on his wife. But suffice it to say the list is LONG. Oh, and I want to mention that we once kicked the Black Eyed Peas out of the club for trying to smoke pot in the champagne room. Fuck them even harder than the gunmen. They’re music is killing a whole SOCIETY!
Are the strippers at your club cool or is it pretty catty?
Many cool ones. Many I’d like to punch until my arms went numb. Oh but hitting women in anger is wrong… even if they are already dead inside.
If you had to go to a strip club other than the Brass Rail, which one would you go to?
I have friends who work at Fillmore’s here in Toronto, so I go there on rare occasions.
Have you ever dated a stripper? And if not…would you?
A couple of first dates but nothing ever serious. I would if the right woman came along. Standards of intelligence and behaviour still apply. Those standards are reduced, however, if you just want to fool around and then go home.
You’ve seen so many naked girls. So now, when you get to see a girl naked in your regular life, is it all that big of a deal?
Of course it is. Naked women sit in my lap at work. They put their boobs in my face. On occasion I get to take dirty photos of them in the booth. No one is blowing me at work. I’m not knuckle-deep in anyone at work. If you’re a chick and you come to my apartment, you’re getting naked. Them’s the god damn rules. Hence, real life is still way better than work.
What is your favorite term for vagina?
I try to switch it up from time to time but lately I’ve been saying “girl parts” to the dancers a lot. I’m also very found of “snizz” right now as a mildly derogatory term as in “Cover your snizz, stupid”. It’s like telling a yappy broad to “shut your cocksucker”. But in a month, it’ll be something else.
Least favorite term?
I used to HATE the word “cunt”. Now I use it all the time. I dont like “hairpie” or “furburger” or “roast beef” or “meat curtains”. At least make it sound like something I’d WANT to find my dick in the middle of.
What is the craziest thing a stripper has ever said to you?
Some nights, we (staff) will pick a general knowledge question to ask the girls to test their, well… general knowledge. What year was 9/11? What is 13 times 7? Simple stuff. We’re never disappointed by the lack of accuracy. But I once had one girl confuse The Marx Brothers (Groucho, Harpo, et al.) with the Wayans Brothers (Keenan Ivory, Shawn, Marlon, etc) and I wanted to slap her.
What is the most depraved sexual trick you have seen a stripper perform?
At work? A girl put four fingers in her own ass for my private entertainment in the DJ booth.Outside work? Nunya bidness.
Have you ever met a stripper that could perform vaginal magic tricks (ping pong balls, blowing out candles)?
When I worked at the other club, we had a girl come in as a feature and she did the 100 foot string of pearls up the hoo-ha deal.
Is there any feature dancer you wish you could DJ for?
Nina Hartley. I am deeply in love with Nina Hartley.
Nina Hartley, meet Kingdom James
Who do you think the hottest girls alive are right now?
What am I doing? Handing out fucking awards or doing an interview? I’ll tell you this much… chicks who write blogs about the strip clubs they hang out in? That’s pretty hot. You got any friends with loose morals?
Want to check out the songs Kingdom mentioned…..well here you go, don’t say we never gave you anything.
(CNR by weird Al)
(striptease- hawksley workman)
( Flashing lights – Colin Munroe)
(Get out – JoJo)
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