donate for divorce

December 14, 2010

 

here at the meat inspectors we love to support women’s freedom. so when our girl decided it was time to go through the big D we rallied to support her. So from now until january 12th all money donated to the meat inspectors will go to fund her divorce. shake the money tree and show your holiday spirit. She only needs $200 to do the deed. every dollar put in our electronic g string helps make christmas dreams come true. seriously this is a recent photo of her husband.. you should help her out. lets make a christmas miracle happen.

Feel free to call me Whiskey. It’s not quite as common as Brandy, Candy or Kitten.

October 13, 2010

Miss Holly Velvet is a classically trained dancer who has found her niche in reviving the classic art of early 20th century burlesque.  However as most burlesque dancers have, Holly Velvet has spent her time on the pole. We are proud to present to you a candid interview with the dancin darlin Holly Velvet!!!!!

How many years have you been performing? 26

how many were you an exotic dancer? 4

How many clubs have you worked at? 10

What is your favorite term for Vagina? WhoWho is always a good one followed a close second by Meat Wallet.I would say I have a Bearded Clam but I shave that thing.No Landing Strip either. It’s Primo beachfront property South of the Boarder for me baby!

What was the amount of the largest tip you ever received?Some guy gave me $50 once to “slip it in real quick”.I said “Sure baby, just let me use the little girl’s room first.” Slipped the bill in my garter and never came back. A fool’s money and their wallet are soon parted.
do you remember what song you were dancing too and what year was this?Pussy Control by Prince February 14, 2006

What is the best song to strip too? Glamorous by Fergie ’cause, literally, if you ain’t got no money take your broke ass home Mo’Fo! I do NOT have time to waste on your loser ass.

what is the worst?If I hear that Yeah! song by Usher w/ Lil Wayne one more time I’m gonna punch someone!

Tell us about your weirdest customer?What do you mean “weirdest”? They’re all weird, but there was this guy we called Bob The Blower.If you laid on your back and kept spreading your legs he’d throw a dollar on your crouch.If you turned around on all fours to present your ass to him he’d blow on your pussy, the second you’d get near him he’d back up really far…I did a lot of advancing toward this guy.

How many lap dances have you given to one guy in one night? 23.Boy, did my legs hurt after that!

Did you have a lucky outfit? It’s amazing the number of pedophiles out there. I always made bank with the schoolgirl outfit.

Walk us through what usually happens in the champagne room? You convince the guy to get a room.You walk to the bar and have him pay for the room.On the way back to the room he asks “What will we use for protection?” The response “Oh, there’s a bouncer that walks through every 10 minutes or so…” After that statement it was smooth sailing. He kept his hands to himself and I got paid my $125 cut for the room. Life is sweet!

What do exotic dancers do to get ready for work? It’s imperative to take care of your asshole… You do this by dropping him off at band practice before work.

what is your beauty routine? Makeup, hair, outfit, then as soon as the skank next to you goes out on the floor you spray the entire area down with Lysol. Trust me. She’s skanky. She has boils on her face covered by 10 lbs. of makeup, most of her teeth are missing from smoking meth, and if she decides to use the pole you have to carry Clorox wipes with you because she generally leaves skid marks on the pole .Did I mention the rash on her chest?

how do you beat shave rash? Wax or Nair.It’s also possible to use a flogger, but I highly doubt that will make it go away.

What do dancers do when they are on their period? Tuck or cut. You’re choice.

what are some stripper slang terms that dancers use, i’ve heard mention of snatch snot? can you tell us what that is? Twat snot is good. Flashing (moving the thong aside and showin’ the goods).Fried Eggs Nailed to a Wall (saggy titties).Slab of Bacon (severely stretch marked stomach) Makin’ bank (earning monetary goal for evening) Regulars (customers that only come in the club to see you) Parade Girls (girls that would line up and parade around on stage when the DJ was trying to generate more business by encouraging customers to buy lap dances). Strippers On Parade (when you have strippers walking in a line)Educated As Fuck (when some stripper actually thinks she’s smart and she’s trying to pick a fight with another stripper.Used in a sentence: I am educated as fuck!) Gravity Bounce (when a stripper can move across a stage floor using her buttocks) The Reverse Jesus (when a stripper hangs upside down from a pole w/ her legs & spreads her arms out) The Jello Shot (when you get down on all fours and shake your ass. This only really works if you have a big ass.)Floor Work (any type of dancing involving getting down on the stage floor on hands and knees i.e. The Jello Shot) Juicy Girl (girl that gets excessively lubricated easily)Ruff Round Up (group of homely strippers giving a stage dance to some poor victim) Looks Like the Pussy Ate the Mouse (tampon string hanging out of a vagina)

Holly Velvet will be performing at the Obey House this Saturday, October 16th.

Her Show is call: Holly Velvet presents Velvet Cabaret at the Satin Slipper Room. She has brought together amazing Pittsburgh acts including the Comic, Dr. Awkward, Dancin Darlin Miss Bad Kitty, one man band Willis Tree, and the Notorious Lucky The Painproof Man. Go see girls shake their money makers, laugh, see a dude bleed for your amusement and get cheap Straub beers, how can you go wrong?

 

holly velvet presents obey house

Holly Velvet Presents cabaret at the satin slipper room

 

Erotica 3: Black Eyes and Broken Dreams

July 20, 2010

Erotica 3: Black Eyes and Broken Dreams

Club Erotica

Cover: $20

Valet Parking: $5

Inspector: Wiley Juggs

Well, I once again found myself at Erotica. Why do I always end up there? Some may say that I suffer from twat withdrawl if I don’t get my weekly serving of poon pie. The real reason – $20 for all you can drink beer, tits, and they stay open until 4am. Bars that close at 2 in the morning? Those bars are for pussies, son.

The third time at Erotica in a month. Seriously, its routine. Same. Boring. Shit. You get once-overed by the muscle at the door. You pay your ridiculous cover charge at the glass booth and walk to the stage. I arrived slightly buzzed, braved the streets of McKees Rocks alone and walked a block to Erotica around 1:30am on a Thursday to meet up with a friend for our first ever pornithological night on the town together. It was just the two of us in an increasingly empty vag-bazaar so we sat at the buffet and watched the dancers. My friend helped me grade the meat and I found out what dudes look for in a good stripper. My least favorite girl at Erotica and donned a weave for the evening. She’s the girl with dollar signs on her platform shoes. The one who hurriedly gets naked and gyrates her shit in your face with a scowl and barely a how-dee-do. She’s my least favorite not because she’s unattractive, but because she’s all business. She’s like a reverse ATM. The labia of the IRS. She just wants your cash and wants you to leave her alone. I like the stripper illusion. The one where you get caught up and think “I think this girl is really into me!” when she’s working you for all you’re worth. I love a manipulative broad, she’ll mind fuck you but that’s as far as you’re getting. My friend, however, loved her. All about her mile long legs. Like I said, she’s hot, but seems like a cunt. Later I would find out that that surly bitch was working all night with a black eye. Apparently there was a fight backstage and someone punched her in the face. Don’t worry, she wore makeup on it, and you couldn’t tell. I like to replay the fight scene in Showgirls where bitches are getting thrown down stairs, hair pulling, shivving… its like magic.

Remember the sweet doe-eyed darlin’ from my first Erotica review? This bitch… where do I even start. She was working that night, and of course we sat and chatted her up. My friend was taken with her modesty, which amused both me and the onstage Lolita. He asked her her name… not her stage name, he said, he wanted to know her REAL name. Somehow this topic led us to discussing Googling of ourselves and what you find about yourself on the internet. This bitch! Seriously! So she said “oh, if you google the real me, you see all this stuff about Julliard and the violin. Oh, but I HAD to quit, I had horrible anxiety attacks for 3 years. But, yeah… at least now I can grow fingernails!” FINGERNAILS! Finger-FUCKING-nails! I had, like, 13 strokes after this conversation. You quit Julliard to become a stripper so you could grow FINGERNAILS. I can’t with this. I just… I just fucking can’t.

And I’ll leave you with this… a dark haired cutie in a blue halter top tied at her midsection came over to dance for us. We got to talking to her, since we’re a couple of chatty bastards. She looked at me, hair up in a sloppy pony tail, and said “how’s this for fucked up – I’m dancing next to my sister.” Same dad. Different moms . Daddy issues for these two? Nah… no way. She was a fun girl, shimmied around for us while we discussed numerous things that shouldn’t be repeated. Even on this blog, which is saying something. Since my experience at Erotica is mostly being ignored, I asked if she preferred dancing for guys or girls better. She responded “well, I’m a lesbian, so what do you think?” Loved this girl. She was honest and funny and didn’t seem to give a shit about anything. Aloof. That’s how I like my meat. My friend tried to get in on my action and I advised this girl that he, much like me, is an asshole and that she should continue to dote only on me. She looked me dead in the eye and said “If he’s an asshole, can I be a cunt to him?” I responded with a wave of the hand and said “please, cunt away!” This is where it gets glorious. She sidled up to him, whipped her panties to the side, exposed her cooch and demanded “LOOK AT IT! LOOK AT IT!” He did. She got up on her knees, thrust out her hand and said “now, give me a dollar.” He did. She got up and walked away. Glory to Jesus, it was magnificent. Then the lights came on, and we had to leave. We shut down Erotica on a Thursday night and drove off into the sunrise.

Erotica was still boring. Still empty. Still overpriced admission. Girls are still hot. When we left my friend said he’d never go to Erotica with me again – since apparently it only sucks when I’m there. I’m a titty-bar Cooler. One girl that night mentioned that the night was slow and boring. The previous Thursday she’d made $500… that night, she had only a few sad bills dripping from her garter. It was a fun night, but mostly due to conversation and booze rather than onstage nuttiness. I’m sure I’ll end up back at Erotica again soon and I’m hoping that at least one time when I’m there shit gets nutty. Erotica – you give me blue balls of the heart.

Strip Club DJ Anthony Kingdom James talks snizz, drunken celebrities, and of course music.

July 2, 2010

Posted by Anna L. Pleasure

Anthony Kingdom James is not his real name, but it’s the name he goes by. And he’s many things. A pop culture podcaster http://handsomegeniusclub.blogspot.com, a talk radio host, a stand-up comedian, a voiceover artist, comic book writer and a pro wrestler. But we don’t give a shit about any of that at the Meat Inspectors. No, what we care about is that Anthony plays music for girls to shake their snatch to at the Brass Rail in Toronto, which you can visit at http://www.brassrailtavern.com

How long have you been doing this?

Since December 2000.

Is this what you wanted to do for a living?

No, and it still isn’t. But it pays the bills and naked women strolling around while I read comic books and play music doesn’t hurt my feelings.

How did you get started spinning tunes for girls to grind to?

I moved back to Ontario from Pittsburgh, needed a day job while I looked for radio work and a friend of was working at a club and knew they needed someone.

Where else have you worked other the Brass Rail?

A place that doesn’t deserve the exposure of my mentioning it here.

Take us through your average work night.

I start at 730pm. Set up some opening music. The main floor opens at noon but we open the executive lounge at 8pm. I make sure my schedule girls have shown up and then organize freelancers for the remaining stage shows. Then I hang out with the rest of the staff until customers start coming in. At that point I start stage shows (usually around 930, neve later than 10pm but sometimes as early 820 or 830 if enough guys show up).And then it’s all Groundhog Day to me. I’m in the booth, doing back to back stage shows until 2am. I do the occasional check of the girls’ change room to make sure bitches ain’t up to no good and after 2, I play a half hour of break songs and then we kick the punters out into the gutter.

What percentage of the music do you pick in a night and what percentage do the girls pick?

Not sure but I wish the scales would tip more in my favour. I let the girls pick whatever they want, so long as it fits into the club’s guidelines (as interpreted by me… No rap, no severe metal, no weirdness,must be 3 minutes long) and another girl isn’t already playing it.

What are your favorite songs to play?

I like to play some odd stuff just because the standard R&B and Euro-house crap drives me to need something different. Stuff like “CNR” by Wierd Al Yankovic and “Lotion” by the Greenskeepers make me laugh. “Striptease” by Hawksley Workman is a solid rocker of a tune. Colin Munroe’s remake/cover of “Flashing Lights” is incredible. “Border Lord” by Kris Kristofferson or “The Most Unoriginal Sin” by Willie Nelson or “Get Out (Leave)” by JoJo are my favorite ways to close a night. And there are a couple of mash-up mixes I like. Do some internet searching to find “Jaydiohead” or”Beastles” and download some goodness.

What songs have you been playing a lot of lately? What are the strippers requesting?

I get a lot of stuff I hate requested. I despise popular R&B but girls love dancing to Gaga and Rihanna and Ciara and Drake (whose music COMPLETELY sucks) and Aaliyah and Mario and Trey Songz and shit like that.And of course, your standard AC/DC, Nickelback, etc on the rock side.Plus so much Tiesto you’d vomit.

Do the girls tip you out?

Tipping is not mandatory at my club and I am forbidden from actually asking for tips… but yes, GOOD GIRLS TIP THEIR DJ.

What artist has recorded the most stripper friendly songs?

Aaliyah. I play a lot of Aaliyah.

What is the difference between the two levels of your club?

A flight of stairs, a $20 cover and more private booths. Plus, the music is more restricted. NO DRAKE!!!

What was the weirdest night you ever had at the club?

The night Mike Tyson came in was odd (we get a LOT of celebrities at my club) but the weirdest was the night of the shooting out front. Twopatron got ejected, came back with a gun, shot at the front of the club and killed an innocent passer-by. Both thugs are in prison now. Fuck’em.Hope they rot in hell.

Who is the biggest celebrity that has been in the club while you were working?

I won’t go into the whole list. I already mentioned Tyson. And of course, we’re the club where A-Rod got caught catting around on his wife. But suffice it to say the list is LONG. Oh, and I want to mention that we once kicked the Black Eyed Peas out of the club for trying to smoke pot in the champagne room. Fuck them even harder than the gunmen. They’re music is killing a whole SOCIETY!

Are the strippers at your club cool or is it pretty catty?

Many cool ones. Many I’d like to punch until my arms went numb. Oh but hitting women in anger is wrong… even if they are already dead inside.

If you had to go to a strip club other than the Brass Rail, which one would you go to?

I have friends who work at Fillmore’s here in Toronto, so I go there on rare occasions.

Have you ever dated a stripper? And if not…would you?

A couple of first dates but nothing ever serious. I would if the right woman came along. Standards of intelligence and behaviour still apply. Those standards are reduced, however, if you just want to fool around and then go home.

You’ve seen so many naked girls. So now, when you get to see a girl naked in your regular life, is it all that big of a deal?

Of course it is. Naked women sit in my lap at work. They put their boobs in my face. On occasion I get to take dirty photos of them in the booth. No one is blowing me at work. I’m not knuckle-deep in anyone at work. If you’re a chick and you come to my apartment, you’re getting naked. Them’s the god damn rules. Hence, real life is still way better than work.

What is your favorite term for vagina?

I try to switch it up from time to time but lately I’ve been saying “girl parts” to the dancers a lot. I’m also very found of “snizz” right now as a mildly derogatory term as in “Cover your snizz, stupid”. It’s like telling a yappy broad to “shut your cocksucker”. But in a month, it’ll be something else.

Least favorite term?

I used to HATE the word “cunt”. Now I use it all the time. I dont like “hairpie” or “furburger” or “roast beef” or “meat curtains”. At least make it sound like something I’d WANT to find my dick in the middle of.

What is the craziest thing a stripper has ever said to you?

Some nights, we (staff) will pick a general knowledge question to ask the girls to test their, well… general knowledge. What year was 9/11? What is 13 times 7? Simple stuff. We’re never disappointed by the lack of accuracy. But I once had one girl confuse The Marx Brothers (Groucho, Harpo, et al.) with the Wayans Brothers (Keenan Ivory, Shawn, Marlon, etc) and I wanted to slap her.

What is the most depraved sexual trick you have seen a stripper perform?

At work? A girl put four fingers in her own ass for my private entertainment in the DJ booth.Outside work? Nunya bidness.

Have you ever met a stripper that could perform vaginal magic tricks (ping pong balls, blowing out candles)?

When I worked at the other club, we had a girl come in as a feature and she did the 100 foot string of pearls up the hoo-ha deal.

Is there any feature dancer you wish you could DJ for?

Nina Hartley. I am deeply in love with Nina Hartley.

Nina Hartley, meet Kingdom James

Who do you think the hottest girls alive are right now?

What am I doing? Handing out fucking awards or doing an interview? I’ll tell you this much… chicks who write blogs about the strip clubs they hang out in? That’s pretty hot. You got any friends with loose morals?

Want to check out the songs Kingdom mentioned…..well here you go, don’t say we never gave you anything.

(CNR by weird Al)
(lotion greenskeepers)
(striptease- hawksley workman)
( Flashing lights – Colin Munroe)
(Get out – JoJo)
(Jaydiohead)
(Beastles)

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How to party like a meat inspector: a retrospective of texts from last night.

June 26, 2010

Texts from Wiley Juggs to Anna L. Pleasure
friday
7:00 pm dude i’m fucking bailing on this shit. When/where. I might be late.
7:29 pm k. If i’m not too drunk to crash my way there I’m coming. and making out wit your boobs.
7:35 pm god damn. i love free booze.
8:02 pm i love your boobs. dude said i can leave all i want. i’m fucking coming to furry-oke ya’ll.
8:38 pm this can is your can. we’re eating fucking cake then i’m fucking out of here. i’m wearing a dress so its easy acess- if you’re interested.
9:17 pm i might endup seeing strippers
9:19 pm dude seriously. the groomsmen are seeing tits.
10:10 pm Erotica!
10:59 pm this place is still bullshit.
11:55 pm Boobs lixked. I’m happy.
12:59 am Boo Boo. Come here mayve. Bppze is. Free. I’m drunks
1:07 am They stole my bEer cup! I am infinity putraged
1:47 am 3 dudes are wukkug ti ssupport my stripper anntics. I’m basically rich.
2:09 am 2 srunl to drunk! Anna come gelp. I thre up. so sad.
2:13 am i have a seriuioys casr of shivers and barfs.

Saturday
9:50 am : Its ok. I puked my guts out in erotica’s bathroom and woke up this morning with a lawyer’s business card in my bra. Wtf?

The synopsis. First you can clearly see a decline of spelling as the night progresses. It starts out that she is going to meet me, for the sexual pervertedness that is furries, in the wonderful setting of bar karaoke. with in 29 mins it became, she will meet me, if she’s not too drunk. Then she’s lured in by cake and cute boys at the wedding reception she is attending. With in the 52 mins it took to eat cake, she convinced the groomsmen to go see tits. I have, of course, lost her to the lure of lusty ladies lobbing labia. Her night starts out slow but once she is allowed to lick one of the stripper’s nipples, Pandora’s box is opened. With in an hour of nipple lickage, she has progressed into a drunken mess.  By 2ish she is puking in the bathroom at erotica, 2hrs and 5 mins after nipple lickage.

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Erotica: Love on the Rocks, ain’t no surprise.

June 18, 2010

Club Erotica

826 Island Avenue

McKees Rocks, PA 15136

Cover: $20, free beer, BYOB

Valet Parking: $5

http://www.girlsofcluberotica.com/

Inspector: Anna L. Pleasure

As we teetered our sexy asses down the crumbling streets of McKees Rocks, my mind raced with images of sweet snatch, dancing dames, and cold beverages. We arrived to a run down building that was littered with bulky, baby faced security guards. We paid a man in a glass booth our $20 and walked through a door and we were transported to an entirely different place. On the other side of the threshold, there was a white flocked columned chandelier lit room.  There were three stages, but only enough people for one to be used…but whatever. That just means more meaty morsels for us. I was certain I could make the night enjoyable with free beer,  so I made my way to start drinking my $20 worth of Miller Lite.  Now I love beer and I love to drink, but the temperature of my beverage is very important for palatability. Erotica provides the cheap thin sort of clear white plastic cups, which turn your beer room temp in a blink of an eye. So I was having a little trouble enjoying my free beverage.  I know, who complains about free beer, blah blah blah…I do bitches. Free or not free, I want that shit cold. Don’t judge me.  I drank a couple down and we made our way to the beef box. The girls entered the stage topless and walked down a catwalk toward the end.  Around 4 girls cycle around the stage. I know here is where I would usually throw in some twat talk and tantalize you with tales of slits and tits. But my loves, the night was boring. Only 2 girls danced for us. Out of the other 10ish girls shaking snatch, half came over and chatted then walked off while the others just ignored us. We were all gussied up in our strip club best and we couldn’t even get a girl to fake flirt with us, rub her tits on our faces, or let us help pay her rent. I wanted to stand up and shout,”SHOW ME THE MINGE” but instead we bailed.

As we teetered back down the long stretch of rocky broken sidewalk, my mind rolled over what the high spots of the night were.  The hottest girl there had toilet paper on her crotch and it glowed under the black light. A quality cold cut sandwich with a napkin provided. What do you do in this situation? I didn’t know. I waited and tried not to laugh, ‘cause inside I’m a middle schooler.  There was a lot of cunt that had been self tanned so everything lips to labia, taint to toes was an even fake brown. There was a bambi in the bathroom  with blonde hair and doe eyes talking like a little kid about a face tick who then scampered off.  A Southern accented cougar with a gap in her teeth and nipples that sat at the top of her tits like a party hats. And the epiphany that contortion is not sexy. I’ve been a flexible girl for a long time and know that while practical for fucking, it does not look sexy when you put your legs behind your head. We got in the car and the night was over. We hear it gets nutty late at night. Maybe after we close down and stumble out of some other snatch shack, we will give Erotica a call.  She can be our late night last resort bouncing booty call.

As a side note about what to do if your stripper has tp on her twat, I talked to a ex-stripper friend of mine and found out that it’s the same as encountering someone with food in their teeth. You should probably say something.

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Oh, Club Erotica – Why have you forsaken me?

June 16, 2010

Club Erotica

826 Island Avenue

McKees Rocks, PA 15136

Cover: $20, free beer, BYOB

Valet Parking: $5

http://www.girlsofcluberotica.com/

Oh, Club Erotica – why have you forsaken me?

Inspector: Wiley Juggs

 It was the Meat Inspector’s first trip to Erotica and we heard so many crazy things about the place.  $1300 high roller nights, free beer, crazyhot ladies – we were juiced up and ready to go!  Anna L. was dressed to the nines in a sexy little red dress and fishnets, I dolled myself up in a top exposing cleavage to navel and the tightest pants in my closet.  We wanted to fit into the ambiance, a couple of nearly nude sex kittens.  The kind of sex kittens who throw back the booze, swear like sailors and slap yo’ mama if she says something that we don’t like.  We brought along a friend of mine, RBP, for his first ever tit gazing experience.  Well, professional tit gazing.  He’s been an amateur for years.

We bypassed the ‘valet parking’ that would have cost $5 and instead parked slightly down the road and hoofed it in our slut heels.  We’re professionals, bitches, but I really don’t recommend walking through the ‘Rocks at night without a small SWAT team.  We walked in to Erotica and while the exterior has all the shit-hole charm of old Pittsburgh the inside looks like an episode of Cribs.  (Is Cribs too much of a throwback to the early 00’s? Am I showing my age?) Its ballin’, homies! The security crew at Erotica takes themselves very seriously.  Like, way too seriously.  Like, c’mon asshole, I’m just a cute girl with a bag packed with lip gloss, gimme a fucking break here.  Slightly annoyed by the beefy asshole rifling through my purse, I laid down my $20 admission and walked in to what I had hoped would be glitter paradise.  RBP was next to me, mouth agape, unsure of where to begin. He’s an overwhelming pervert, you see, yet all the nudity somehow managed to turn him into somewhat of a shy toddler.  A cheap shy toddler. 

First thought when I walked in the joint ‘Where the fuck are all the clam diggers?’ because that place was EMPTY.  I heard Erotica is always packed, instead there were a smattering of dudes and some trashy couples hanging out near the buffet railing.  Only one stage was being utilized, so the Meat Inspectors and crew hung back at one of the empty stages swilling free booze and pussy-water (yeah, I brought Schmirnoff Ices with me, whatever, don’t judge me you perverted fucks) and waiting for some meat that looked like it needed some lady loving.  I was instantly bored.   I looked at Anna L. – she was frowning.  Somebody had put baby in the corner that night. Our posse crossed their hands in their laps and nodded off.  Never before had we been so immediately turned off.  Our panties were drying up to Sahara proportions and the phalli laid in laps, barely a crotch flutter.  WTF, Erotica? After two shitty malt beverages, Anna and I hustled to the stage.   One of the girls was pretty fantastic.  She was dressed in a sweet little school girl outfit, black thigh highs with tiny pink bows.  And she moved like a school girl, too… a school girl who was blowing the Spanish teacher just to pass junior year.  Her bow popped off and she asked us to hold on to it for her.  You know you’re hanging out in a shady crowd when us two bitches look like the most trustworthy patrons in the club.  Then we sat.  And waited.  And waited.  A tall middle aged blonde with 80’s scrunched hair and bangs finally shimmied her way in front of us.  She had what I can only describe as ‘party hat tits.’  She sat in front of us and teased us in a manner that she’d probably describe as ‘coy’ and what I’d like to describe as ‘actin’ all dumb.’  She covered her oddly shaped breasts with her cupped hands, looked me in the eye and said ‘peekaboo!’ and she exposed her freakish nipples.  Nuh uh.  Nuh UH.  I was neither titillated nor amused. I gave her a dollar for the show, and begged her move on.  We spent most of the evening being ignored.  I was wearing a rosary as a necklace and I thought ‘perhaps strippers are like vampires, and this cross is keeping them at bay.’  I removed the rosary… nothing.  Clearly these broads had no interest in making some sweet coin, because I was tip ready.  Towards the end of the night a solidly hot blonde came and shook her shit for me.  She asked if I liked girls and chatted me up a bit.  Turns out this broad hangs out at strip clubs when she’s not working at them. Talk about someone who loves her job!   She does it for the love of the game, folks.  She was great, really fun and nice and promised to come back and dance for us if no one else would.  Unfortunately we’d had about as much as we could take at that point and we rolled out.  RBP was thoroughly disappointed in his strip club deflowering, and muttered the phrase that I myself stated when I lost my real virginity – “well… that was disappointing.”   

Overall Erotica has a great atmosphere.  I loved the inside of the place, its comfortable and dark with a great feel. And if you take advantage of the $20 cover and free booze, you really are getting a great deal on drinks.  There were so many girls working, you’re bound to find some spank bank material.  We’re talking from an uppity Snookie-look alike to this petite adorable innocent seeming blonde who you wanted to take back to her momma’s house where she could start her life over and grow up right. One issue I had with the girls is that most of them walk out on stage either already nude or already topless.  Where is the strip tease?  Half the fun is watching you take your clothes off, ladies!  Keep the mystery for a little while, rather than offering up your love pocket immediately. Ultimately, it was a boring night.  The girls were bored.  We were bored.  It was time to go.  I’ve heard from a few people that shit gets really serious at Erotica after 2, when the rest of the bars close.  Maybe we’ll be back for a future night of shenanigans.  Maybe.

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The Tennyson: Its purple raining in my panties

June 6, 2010

WRITTEN BY MEAT INSPECTOR: Anna L. Pleasure

Tennyson Lodge
4797 Library Road
Bethel Park, PA 15102-2976
412-833-4442

They are open Tues-Sun

We went on Friday: $5.00 Cover charge.
Bare-aoke with DJ Marty

The Tennyson seems to be the place where girls either get their start or go to retire. which can mean a lot of different things for your viewing pleasure and also means its a grab bag of talent. You never know what you will get week to week. I had taken a survey of what we were working with when we rolled in the door, a fresh young thing, a mid carder, and a cougar seemed to be the hottest items with a couple of other lower level girls as filler.  So we were in no real rush to titty up to the tip rail just yet.  In this sort of situation, its better to hit the bar a little hard, have a couple of drinks, sing a couple songs. Let your beer goggles settle in.

So we did just that. Bareoke is great karaoke super star watching.  We love the people who sing there. Its a who’s who of the karaoke circuit. One fella sang Prince and had me a little worked up. I screamed that it was purple raining in my panties, which of course sent the dj into chuckles. Right about then is when we decided that we had appropriately altered our perception, so we went to explore the carnervous cunt caverns.  I’m sad to report that our adventure produced nothing really special. The young girl was working it the hardest of all the ladies, but had not worked out anything memorable to add to her routine. It was not a bad display, but there was nothing special to tantalize you either. No Penthouse Forum material here.  I did take note that lap dances are only $20 and they have taken the owner’s dog and turned it into a logo of sorts and was featured on the poster. One day the meat inspectors will have their photo taken with that dog, the most famous dog in the Pittsburgh strip community.

Bareoke is always a good time. We got drunk, saw some pussy, sang some songs, left and went ate donuts. I say the night was a win!

We know that we’ve been slacking on the love slot summations lately. But fear not! The Meat Inspectors have been doing some research on clubs to check out next.  We’ve found some places that have coupons, one with a 2 for 1 lap dances on Tuesdays, another joint has hot tub dances. We want to see crazy things! We hear there is a one legged stripper, we want to see her act! Hit us up! Tell us where to go, what you want to read about. Bring us your crazy, your seedy, show us where the smut is and we will go get elbow deep in it and report the findings to you our loves. Also please drop a dollar in our electronic g-strings. We can not support all these single mom’s and college girls on our own. Do your part to help keep the meat inspected.

Stripper mom

June 3, 2010

If this act was in a club, i’d give this woman a lot of money. hahha i am dying. later i will post a review of her performance.

http://www.comedycentral.com/tosh.0/2010/06/03/guess-what-happens-next-bad-mom-strips/

Cheerleaders: 1 yr Muff-versary

May 19, 2010

Cheerleaders: Redux
Inspector: Anna L. Pleasure
1st Anniversary Party
Guest DJ: Mix Master Mike
Feature: Stormy Daniels
Cover: $20 + $5 parking

The Meat Inspectors were sent on an assignment to peep out the
Cheerleaders 1 year muff-versary, so we put on our stripper heels and
went to do work son. We rolled in while it was still light outside
which made us feel the extra squeeze of sleaze. But we are dirty
broads, so a heavy hand never offends. Surprisingly, it was already
busy. We made our way around and settled in and proceeded to double
fist our way in hijinx.

Throughout the night, I had the pleasure of overhearing some amazing
conversations in the bathroom. I love observing strippers in their
natural states. The things you learn!

Things I heard:
A stripper talking about how she hates E and will never do it again.

A girl discussing how she got her stage name. It was based on a
feminist leader and she thought the irony was funny.

A girl sitting on the floor smoking a cig talking about how sometimes
the humanity is too much to take.

As well as what strippers do on their periods. For reference, they cut
the string and just keep a check that it’s not showing. Due to the
Kegel muscles being so strong, it just stays where it’s supposed to.

The girls were fun as usual. The guest dancer of the night was Stormy
Daniels and she puts on a great show that involves hot wax. It seemed
to push the other females into a feeding frenzy. Soon, there were
scissor sisters galore and the Meat Inspectors were happy bitches.
There is this lusty brunette that both Wiley and I love. She sells it
right to you and is cute while being smutty. I started pleading my
love to her and soon Wiley was yelling to her that she could move in
and never have to work again. Ms. Juggs is willing to get a second job
to send you through trade school, lusty brunette with the pretty eyes.
I like Cheerleaders because they have a different variety of girls.
Everything from crazy girls that look like they will set your house on
fire to girls that look like they would babysit your kids

Mix Master Mike guest dj’ed for the event and transformed 20 Jay-Z
songs, TI, Dre, and Led Zeppelin into a hip-grinding, slip sliding
good time. We danced like it was our jobs, not the ladies. We were
grooving and having a good time when we caught the eye of one of the
friendly fillies. She came up to us after her set. Natalie is a normal
girl with a great body who likes to connect with her marks and make
great conversation. Sometimes you want a chatty girl. She wasn’t
making a lot of tips and came over ready and willing to get fucked up.
She said it would make the night worth it. What we have to say about
this is go give this girl your money. She shouldn’t have to be naked
buying her own drinks at full price with the little tips she earned.
She’s talent with personality. We felt like part of the team when she
started buying us drinks as well. You know you are rollin’ hardcore
when the strippers buy you drinks and you outdrink them. At the end of
the night, we saw our girl being carried out. Well played, Natalie.
You, at least, had a blast.

Sometimes, when the booze is flowing and the music is bumping, the
Meat Inspectors can work themselves into a tizzy. Its like the magic hypnotic powers of tits and twat. They can steal six hours in a single slot shot. We swaggered out into the night giggling and drunk on
gratuitous nudeness.

I still have the same complaints about Cheerleaders. It’s hard to give
the girls their money and that because of this, it seems the girls
make less money. And, of course, the lack of labia. However, they
throw a great party and regularly have in great guest dj’s. Happy
birthday, Cheerleaders.

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